DEALING WITH EMOTIONAL PAIN

Last week my Inbox greeted me with an interesting query regarding why do we feel hurt when someone close to us passes a comment, but don’t feel so when a stranger does the same. The question was indeed thought provoking driving me to contemplate and come out with proper reasoning. When a friend starts ignoring, or a break up occurs in a relationship, you get unfriended Or blocked on a social networking site, or you end up hearing a touchy critical remark from a close one, or get snapped by buddies, or it’s a close one’s demise it surely hurts. The pain is traumatising and takes longer time to heal than a physical wound. Here are some tips to deal with it:

1)      Observe and identify your emotion: Feeling hurt is very much normal, therefore simply try to observe it and identify the cause. Knowing the exact reason behind it is important.

2)      Don’t try to mask it: Allow the feeling of pain to exist, do not try to pretend that it doesn’t, rather respect your emotion, every individual with a heart has every right to feel hurt.

3)      Deal with it: Instead of trying to cure the pain, try to face it and deal with it step by step. Respect your emotion and don’t try to push yourself to get over it. Allow the pain to subside in its own way, but don’t make it a focal point of your life. Remember, time is the best healer.

4)      Spend time with yourself: The more time you spend with yourself, the sooner you will heal. Never forget that you are your best friend, and what you can do to yourself, no one else can. Pray, meditate, talk to yourself, or write down your feelings, the identified cause, the depth of pain and how it can be cured. Once your emotions are poured out, your heart feels lighter and solutions come up naturally.

5)      Talk to a companion but within limits: Talking to a close companion helps a lot, but not if the person doesn’t respect your emotions. Don’t let anyone tell you that your feelings are not real, don’t allow anyone to push you out of it or force you to let go of it.

6)      Develop a learning attitude: Accept that hard times teach us to be stronger, and endurance enhances our capacity to tolerate. These times are lessons in life which will be fruitful in the long run. So, learn from them.

7)      Divert your mind to different activities: It is alright to feel sad, but don’t dwell upon it. Try out a new hobby or listen to music, or go out with friends, or try travelling. When the mind gets engrossed in a new adventure, it starts soothing the pain.

8)      Make a list of thankful things: Try enlisting the things you should be grateful of possessing, even if its food, clothing and shelter. Be thankful for what you have and try being less sad about what you don’t have.  

9)      Review your past and future: Review your past life, your future goals and reason out the impact of your present pain on them. Analyse the intensity of how it will shape your future life. Try new solutions for better living.

10)  Love yourself and your emotions: Loving yourself helps you to overcome grief. A combination of love, self confidence, positive attitude and self reliance can work as a magical potion for healing your pain. 

CONFIDENCE BUILDING 

The potential strength hidden inside which manifests itself to bring out the best in an individual is called confidence. Present by default as a rudimentary seedling in a person from his birth, this instinct once recognized, cultured, nourished and grown healthily, unearths qualities of immense magnification taking the individual to scale heights of bountiful success and flamboyant prosperity emanating from a dynamic personality.

To develop self confidence, the following techniques may be adopted:

1.      Spend time with yourself, give some minutes of the day quietly and exclusively to the friendly soul inside you, your conscience who is your honest and sincere mentor. Talk to yourself, and analyze your talents, your merits. List them down, feel proud and happy about them and give yourself a pat of appreciation. Every individual is bestowed with hidden talents, in the admirable form; it only needs to be realized by the self.

2.      Next identify your insecurities, with the help of the friendly soul. Pull out the fears, whether in the form of any person or thing or event. Just let the thoughts flow out, and note them down. Face them boldly.

3.      Make a list of mistakes you think that you might have made, and stop grieving over them. Bounce back from them taking them as teaching notes in life. Remember perfection is not a mortal symptom, to err is human. But accepting the mistake and not repeating it is wisdom.

4.      Develop a positive mindset, and never allow anyone to make you feel inferior. Never give yourself away as an object of pity and sympathy. Never feel scared or insecure to project your views and ideas in front of others. Rather reinforce those ideas in your mind and proceed towards a positive growth. Your bold approach will keep you away from negative and critical attacks.

5.      Stop comparison with others, remember, the grass is always greener on the other side. Avoid focusing on what others have and you don’t, rather be happy and contended with what you possess, because your possession is your inherent strength. Develop and use that.

6.      Dress up in a graceful manner and in attire that suits you. Stand in front of the mirror, smile and admire yourself. Your compliment to your own appearance boosts up your level of confidence but be sure not to cross the boundary into the realm of over confidence and arrogance. Accept compliments gracefully with modesty and happiness.

7.      Maintain a good physique by exercising regularly, eating healthily and sleeping adequately. Healthy body contributes graciously towards building confidence.

8.             Take special care of your body language; stand upright, tall and proud instead of hunching over, look       straight ahead of you instead of at the ground, and don't cross your arms over your chest. Keep your body       active and engaged, and you'll start to feel more confident as you go about your day and approach others.         Keep feeling that you are the most confident person around. Make eye contact with people when you        speak to them.

9.      Help others, like people in the family or at work, as it instills a positive ray of light which catalyzes confidence building. The very thought that you are making a good difference in the lives of others, elevates your confidence level.

10.  Avoid company of negative minded and pessimistic attitude people. Always look for company of people who are optimists and make you feel good and happy. Shun the company of toxic friends and stop thinking over depressive matters. A capsule of determination well coated with positive energy and enthusiasm can do magical wonders in building self confidence.

Dr Paramita Mishra